The date with Fedora Guy was scheduled for the Saturday afternoon following the date with Cute Glasses. As I previously mentioned, Fedora Guy had an intriguing match.com profile and it really seemed like he liked to have a good time. Our email conversations were quality and I felt that he was smart and came from a good family. I imagined him as a suave international type, very tall dark and handsome.
Fedora Guy’s estimated time of arrival came and went. Strike one that he was running late to a first date. My cell phone rang and it was Fedora Guy explaining he was lost. I guided him to my apartment parking lot over the phone. I cringed as I watched him pull up in a white hatch back mom car. It was not at all suave or international. I walked toward the front door to greet my date. His head was not visible as I peeped out the peek hole of the front door. This was not possible! The profile specifically told me that he was over 6 foot tall. Remember, that was one of my superficial needs.
The nightmare was revealed when I opened the door: not only was Fedora Guy short but he wore man sandals (mandals) and a man purse (murse). The mandals were Jesus style and unbuckled…I wondered how they stayed on his feet. The murse was army inspired and bluging, what in gods name did he have in there? As if these crimes against fashion were not heinous enough, he dared to “pop” his collar. It was too late to run and hide, I had already answered the door. I told myself, to suck it up and go on the date. I was a big girl and I owed it to this person to give him a chance.
Turns out that Fedora Guy planned on taking me to an Arboretum. Having never been before I was interesting in walking around and checking out the scenery. Perhaps the afternoon would turn out to be fun. Upon arrival, he paid our entrance fee. I offered to chip in but he refused my contribution. While approaching the gardens, Fedora Guy pulled a giant camera out of the murse. He explained that photography was his hobby and he indented to shoot pictures during our date. Fedora Guy said that he would email me then pictures so I could remember our time together. I turned my head a rolled my eyes (the blog is called diary of a hater after all).
Fedora Guy talked about himself and barely asked any questions about me. This solidified the fact that we really didn’t have anything in common. I would try to disagree with him or sound disinterested to avoid the prospect of a second date. The chemistry just was not there and I felt that I had humored Fedora Guy enough after an hour or so walking around the Arboretum. I told him my allergies were bothering me and that I would like to go home. Fedora Guy protested. He wanted to shoot some photos of me smelling the flowers. Had we been less then ten miles from my home I might have run. At this point, the date turned ugly.
At the risk of being a horrible bitch, I told Fedora Guy that under no circumstances was I comfortable with him taking my photograph. We only met that day and I felt it too soon for Fedora Guy to have my image in his personal archives. With the advancements of Photoshop he could have used my picture for anything and I could not allow it. I imagine my photo on his Facebook with the caption, “my new girlfriend.” No no no!
Fedora Guy changed the subject. A couple minutes later, he saw a sculpture in the distance. I suggested we go and take a closer look as the statues were halfway between our path and the parking lot. Next step…freedom! As I approached the sculpture, I heard it, “click, click, click.” It was the camera. I whirled around and pointed a finger at Fedora Guy. I told him I specifically asked him not to take my picture. I demanded that he delete the images and he take me home. No more Miss Nice Guy; I had it.
Before his car came to a complete stop at my apartment, I jumped out. I do not even recall if I said “thank you” or “goodbye”. Stick a fork in Fedora Guy because he was done. It was a total disappointment. Our email chat was great and we seemed to have “in person” potential. Alas, it did not work out. I hoped Cute Glasses would call for another date.