Today over email, Friend Green mentioned that she was reading the “Commandments of Dating”. She forwarded me a snippet of the article and the content rang true. As my day went on, I started to think of my own relationship commandments and think back to a time when they were broken. My first thought was being faithful to your partner, the most obvious. I, myself, have never caught a partner cheating. It is not to say that I have never had a partner stray, but I never caught anyone in the act of indiscretion. The closest I came was with Pizza Bagel.
When we parted ways during summer break, the first year we were dating Pizza Bagel suggested that it would be impossible for two 19-year-olds to remain faithful for three months. We would be about four hours away from each other and at our age, a long distance relationship seemed far-fetched. I understood Pizza Bagel’s train of thought on the matter: though we had been seeing each other throughout the school year we had yet to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. In my heart, I wished he suggested that we remain exclusive but I did not push the issue. We spent most of our time together or in the same group of friends so it was evident at school that we were not dating other people. I hoped that he would not meet anyone special during out time apart. It was bitter sweet but common sense dictated that I could not force a hormonal teenager to stay away from girls for an entire summer.
I left school one day before Pizza Bagel. It was the old days so I did not have a cell phone; I wrote my contact information on an index card. The first time I wrote it, I decorated it with magic marker hearts. That seemed creepy so I ripped it apart and just went with old fashion pen and paper. PB said he would call in a couple weeks and check in on my summer fun. Two weeks felt like a long time to go without talking but again, I did not protest. I tried not to let my disappointment show but I could not hide my tears as we said goodbye.
I arrived at the beach the same day and unpacked my things. Work started the next day because I had a standing job at a boardwalk gift store. After my second day of work, I came home to a message from PB. My Mom said that he called in the afternoon. It seemed strange because we only said goodbye two days prior and he said he wouldn’t be calling right away. I was excited! When he answered the phone, he said that he needed to talk…bad news was on the way. Turns out that the night I left college PB made his way to a fraternity party. Since only a few people were still on campus, a random group of people converged on the festivities. With me gone to the beach and his singlehood was back in tact, PB participated in a heated make-out session with one of my sorority sisters (I am rolling my eyes and vomiting in my mouth right now).
It was devastating, I had really grown to love and admire PB and I was crushed that it took less then 24 hours for him to find another girl. He took his first chance at freedom. PB went on to say that while he understood what he did was wrong the kiss was not the point on his phone call. He was calling because the next morning he woke up and realized that he made an awful mistake. He felt guilty and horrible and wanted me to know the truth. The drunken dry hump session had brought on an epiphany…he was in love with me. PB asked to come to the beach that weekend and explain in more detail. He wanted to meet my parents and become a bigger part of my life. The summer break was not going to be our break from each other after all.
Alas, I was immature, and this seemed like a romantic conclusion to our disappointing goodbye at school. Do not get me wrong, I did not welcome PB back into my life on the spot. The hurt and betrayal took a toll and I spent the rest of the week in utter turmoil. I was physically ill at the thought of what happened and seriously thought about the fate of the relationship. However, when I was ready to forgive, his commitment to our relationship seemed like a victory. I was the girl that he wanted and he was the boyfriend I chose. Pushing the kiss out of my mind, I let PB back into my heart (I had not ever let him out).
These days I am more discerning and decidedly more jaded. Had Cute Glasses experienced a similar epiphany after an indiscretion, the outcome would have been different. When you are young, you can forgive and forget with less consequence. In college, I had no real investment in PB and nothing but my feelings riding on the future of our relationship. Cute Glasses is a man and, at the time, PB was a teenager. Your teenage slip-ups do not define who you are as an adult; rather, they teach you what kind of person you want to be. I would assume that PB learned the risks of cheating, and that today he would think twice before putting himself in that situation. College is a time to test the so called, “Commandments” and learn the potential outcomes of your actions. Adulthood is the time to abide by your own set of boundaries and moral code.
Now, I know what you are probably thinking…MB is not a perfect person…I know she has broken some dating rules in her life. It is true. It was PB’s lesson in love today but it will be mine tomorrow. Have a good rest of your day ~ MB