Dating down..an email from Rocker Boy’s Mom

I hope you enjoyed yesterday’s blog, which touched on love, money and what I find two people really need to have in common.  Stemming from that story, I happened upon and old email from Rocker Boy’s Mom in the aftermath of our relationship.  I thought that you might find it interesting/amusing.  The final straw in our relationship was an evening that he decided to read my emails. The breach of privacy coupled with our lack of potential as a couple put and end to the relationship.  It was the last toddler-like episode I could manage.  Take a gander at the correspondence; it provides a unique glimpse into what I was really tolerating in my life at the time…

 —–Original Message—–

From: Rocker Boy’s Mom

Sent: Wednesday, Wednesday, a long time ago

To: MB

Subject: Disbelief and Sadness

Dear MB,

Are you O.K.?  Between what happened with you and Rocker Boy, and the health crisis of your grandmother, this past weekend must have been just awful for you.  I ‘ll keep your grandmother , and your family in my prayers, at this difficult time.  I am absolutely in shock about you and Rocker Boy breaking up.  I really do love you like another daughter, and to tell you the truth, I am so upset, I even cried.  

Maybe right now you both should take a break from living together, but to completely stop seeing each other, knowing that there is a great deal of love between you, would be a shame.  You know,  

MB, Rocker Boy is very hurt, as I am sure that you are too.  You guys have a long, loving history between you, isn’t that worth fighting for?  Try and put yourself in Rocker Boy’s shoes.  I f he didn’t love you, he would not had reacted as he did.  No matter what happened,  you both can get through this.  Rocker Boy does not know I am  writing this e- mail. Please e-mail me back.  I am truly  ; (

Love,

Rocker Boy’s Mom

—–Original Message—–

From: MB

Sent: Wednesday, a long time ago

To: Rocker Boy’s Mom

Subject: RE: Disbelief and Sadness

Hi Rocker Boy’s Mom,

I am glad you emailed me because I wanted to thank you and Rocker Boy’s Dad for always being nice to me and treating me like a part of your family.  I will never forget your love and generosity. 

As far as the relationship with Rocker Boy goes, I am not sure that I will be able to forgive him this time.  He accused me of cheating on him (with a guy who is gay) and read my personal emails with his friend Dork Nugget.  They twisted my words and made it seem like I was cheating when I really had just made some good friends (which was the purpose of me doing the play in the first place).  Dork Nugget encouraged this thinking because Dork Nugget is unhappy about his recently failed relationship.  Misery loves company and Dork Nugget wanted a friend to be in the same boat.  Rocker Boy actually fell for this despite the fact that the emails clearly state that NOTHING romantic was going on.

When I came home and saw that he took things from the apartment that I paid for, like the couch pillows and the hanging mirror, I was appalled.  I am sure that you know that I have been beyond generous to Rocker Boy and always contributed to the things in our home.  For him to steal from me when he owes me $721.95 is inexcusable.  I paid off some of his credit card debt during the end of February (totaling $821.95) and after repaying me $100 he stopped the reimbursement. In addition, he did not pay the last month’s rent. So, you would think that he would leave some of our joint possessions behind, knowing that he was still greatly in debt to me. 

Also, I am not sure if you know but he wrote a horrible message to me on the bathroom mirror.  My father was with me when I found it and he was shocked and upset to say the least.  Especially, since he knows that what Rocker Boy was alleging was not true. How would you feel if someone wrote that about Mandy or took things that belonged to her when he owed her hundreds of dollars? My Dad cannot except that someone would do something so hateful and cruel to someone that they supposedly love.

I just think that he stooped too low this time.  By moving out, taking my things and exploiting my generosity, he has crossed the line and proven to me that he is not mature enough to handle our relationship, let alone a marriage.  He disgraced me with his truly dishonorable actions.

Although I love you and Rocker Boy’s Dad deeply and could never thank you enough for all your support, I do not have it in my heart to look past Rocker Boy’s irrational actions and hurtful behavior.  I am glad that I got the opportunity to tell you what happened from my perspective.  I wish only the best for him in the future but I know now that the future does not include me.

I hope someday you can understand why I feel the way I feel.  I do not want to hurt your feelings in anyway; I have only respect and love for you.

Best,

MB

I never heard back from Rocker Boy’s Mom on that email.  I guess she got the hint.  So ends my preaching on love and money for the time being. I hope you were able to take something away from the story. However, isn’t this a great segue into relationships and family?  Stay tuned my friends. The next installment is a doozie.  

PS.  Grandmom ended up being ok.

Dating Down..you really can’t “fix” him.

My good friend once said to me, “A man should be able to match what you bring to the table.”  I did not want to hear the advice because it was directed towards my situation.  It was the summer of 2005 and I was living in DC.  There was a band showcase in town and I attended.  Boom, like a lightening bold from the sky I was knock on my booty by one of the hottest me I had ever seen.  A lead singer, no less…and the lust bug instantly blinded me.  Fast forward two months later… my sexy Rocker Boy turned out to be an unemployed living and living with his Mama.  At age twenty-eight, he was still a sophomore at the local community college.  Sad to say…he put his community college tuition on a credit card!  I kid you not.  Debit up to his eyeballs and this is after he had previously filed for bankruptcy. 

Rocker Boy’s status and place in life did not bother me at the time.  My prior relationship was with someone who was always trying to “fix” me so I think that I was paying that attitude forward.  I could “fix” Rocker Boy by helping him get a respectable job while being loving and supportive of his musical dreams.  In the beginning, Rocker Boy also respected my place in life.  I was young and successful living independently in a big city.  He found my life style glamorous and loved being a part of it.  We were infatuated with each other’s differences and that along with physical attraction fueled the relationship.

As you might expect the honeymoon phase did not last long.  After four month of dating, Rocker Boy started to talk marriage.  It was then that I asked myself, “What does he have to offer me?”  Sure, he was entertaining person but he did not have the means to build a life with me.  I pushed that idea out of my mind and deemed love the greater good; we continued our romance.  As life went on and our social circle intermingled, Rocker Boy started to feel out of place.  At a dinner party, he did not know which wine was the Cabernet…the red or the white.  He constantly felt embarrassed and I could not see that to understand why he was not having fun.  It angered me when he would pull me into aside and demand that we leave outings with my friends.  Rocker boy was hurt because he not have the capacity to keep up with the dinner conversation and I resented missing social situations I enjoyed.

On the other hand, Rocker Boy came to expect the finer things in life.  He wanted me to afford him the same occasional luxuries I would gift myself.  One night he craved a steak dinner.  We were going out with another couple, one a teacher and one a student who simply could not afford the $50 a plate establishment he recommended.  They suggested Italian much to his distain.  Rocker Boy literally refused to order and eventually stomped out of the establishment.  This toddler-like episode was one of many.  The irony is that I was the one who would foot the bill for dinner that night, so who was he to demand expensive fare?  Situations like this made me resentful and I deemed him ungrateful.  He thought that I lorded the money over him and used it to control his nights out.  In the end, it drove a wedge between us.

I hate to admit it but my friend was right…your significant other has to be your equal in many ways.  If one person carries the other financially from the start of the relationship the resentment is only going to build.  Maybe you don’t need the same level of education, but the intelligence level should match for conversation sake.  A pretty face is only going to intrigue in the short term and as much as you may connect on a superficial level, you will never make a good team.  Find someone on your level and do not settle.  Take it from me and Rocker Boy…you cannot afford it.